Last night I did something that took me a year to finally get done. I erased the one person who I thought mattered to from my memory. I fell in love with that boy at some point. But then he tried to change me, or tried to control me in some sense and I wasn't having it. We'd been fighting for so very long and I'd had enough. It always happens like this: you meet someone over the summer, get close to the point where you either fall in love or he figures out your utmost thought but once September comes all that's over. I don't know why I thought last September would have been different. I mean, yes; I know school is the most important thing but at the same time it wouldn't hurt to try and keep some form of communication with me. Everyone knows I'm not into the first hailing business but what it boils down to is that if I don't say something first; I never hear from you, we see each other online every day but I'm:
(A) not gonna say anything first.
(B) stupid enough to expect you to say anything.
(C) disappointed when you DON'T say anything
But then out of the blue I get random text messages from you "just saying hi" and then I think (is this what our friendship has come to? Just saying hi?) and then I get miserable. The relationship I had with this person was definitely abusive to say the least. Not to the point where it gets physical, but you can hurt a person more with words than with fists. I've gotten that treatment many a times with simple words that cut sharper than any knife or razor blade. It makes no sense for me to keep myself here; waiting for a person who doesn't acknowledge my existence. So what do I finally do? I walk away. I walk away with the absolution that I did the right thing for myself this time. I know I'm a fighter, but I will not fight for anyone or anything that will only keep me down in the long run.
So I say goodbye to you. I say goodbye and good luck and I'll never wish you ill will or harm because you haven't done anything that extreme to me. But still; I love you.
Blessed Be.
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