Turned Tables

Okay now I've had too many weird encounters since Friday night. So after almost 3 years since our break up, Ed comes up to me and apologizes for the way he handled things then. Of course I forgave him....that's all I wanted to hear from him. I never held any grudges, I never hated him. I love him that much. I never stopped loving him.

Flash forward to Sunday. Yuffy comes along...his initial story was he wanted to try n help me, of course I called his bluff. But today he comes to me with a different story. He tried to kill himself because of all the bullshit he did to me n Rochelle (his ex) and honestly...I couldn't turn my back on him like that. The boy was a fucking manic depressive; I've never seen him like this before. He turned into me...and I turned into Andre when Terike left me. I feel so bad for him, he really loved her but of course his usual antics decided to rear their ugly head n got him in trouble. She kept him in check n now that she's gone...he has no one. He wants what I want. To feel loved, to feel wanted. To know that there's someone out there that cares for him. His friends aren't helping (no surprise there) so he came to me...knowing that I'd be so accepting and open but still careful. I showed him the affection he so desperately needed and I think that scratched the surface a little bit. I'm glad I can help where I can...but he wants the physical gratification of feeling me. But right now I can't because I'm physically incapable of doing that right now (aunt Rose) but he still doesn't need that. As much as he said it'd help him a little. I just can't.... I'm doing what Andre did to me; trying to be his friend. Loving him, but not the way he wants to be loved. Only Rochelle can do that. But I can give him my love (since no one else will take it) and hope I don't get the fuck over again but to how I saw him today I know he prolly won't.

I'm slowly getting used to the idea of being single ...Terike hasn't come to me with his confirmation so I'm "living it up" in a sense. I still wanna be with Andre, I love him, but he doesn't. And he won't take me. I gotta go smoke this off...

Blessed Be