So I finally met Rhadya (First wife) because according to Islamic law a man is allowed 4 wives. I’m the second…Rhadya is the first n mother of Malakai.
To be honest I really didn’t wanna because I still feel like she has that advantage over me. Its only natural I feel insecure about that. Also adding to the fact that I might not be able to conceive and maybe he won’t love me as much; that scares me. She says that essentially we are like sisters and the more we bless him with our love, the better he becomes as a man and the more love he gives to us, the better we both become as women. Essentially this whole process is for all 3 of us to help each other because we revolve as a circle, one unit. But I still can’t help feeling out of place in all this now that I’ve seen her face. She has nicknames for him, they been together 10 years, the share Kai but she’s exactly like me..or I’m exactly like her. She took Shahada and he told her the name he picked out for me (Waheeda; meaning Unique)
I not sure how much she really knows but I have to admit that she’s right. We are a family whether I like it or not she is my sister because “that’s what we all are, under Allah. We are all brothers n sisters” And now I know where he got his speech mannerisms from..or the other way around cuz they speak exactly alike; annoyingly so. But right now I still need to wrap my head around the idea of knowing who she is and I guess there was some small comfort in knowing she sometimes feels the same way I do. That move he made could potentially cost him both of us. Meaning he could’ve lost us both but I guess we’re sorta okay with each other now. She says that one thing we have in common is that we both love him
But I dunno if I can get used to sharing him. Not to mention 2 people loving the same person. I know I’m all about free love, yes but being that I just recently really discovered what I been feeling has a name and a definition. I don’t wanna take Shahada because I’ve not accepted the idea of there being a god, be it Allah or Christ. He only embraced the idea of me acknowledging the idea of there being a supreme being that created all this. Or Darwin’s theory. Honestly the latter seems more logical to me. I can’t lie, that’s been my basic stance for 5 years. And I know she asked him why I won’t take it. And I guess I have to learn that she exists and she married him first and I guess she’s not so bad. I not go be all chummy-chummy from day 1. She wants to be able to get me to talk about things I won’t say out loud or to Saadiq and it just doesn’t work that way. Before I speak up; I write it down. Cuz they’re both pushing me to speak n all its doing is pushing me deeper into a box. I love Saadiq obviously n truly. Yeah I’m difficult but that’s part of me. I writ more than I speak and when I do speak, it may sometimes be in volumes; other times it won’t. Just wait it out.
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