My Heart Keeps Telling Me Otherwise

I know the risks. I know we’re bad. But for some reason, I can’t find myself despising you. Can’t do what you want, I can’t do what you ask simply because I believe the Fates brought us together. The Goddess herself tasked me with this mission to try to save you from yourself….I’m not running away, I’m not hiding. I’m not a coward. You’re here for a reason; I believe that and until I find out what that reason is or until she tells me that my task is completed I can’t go. I see you. I see through you. There’s something else you refuse to tell me. You have so much more growing to do, as do I even at this point. I said that I needed to figure out who I am as a woman before I could ever consider being in a relationship again and I meant that. But I think you don’t know who you are. Stuck between boy and man. You find yourself internally wanting to do things different but the demon in you wants to give in to the lust. Sometimes lust isn't enough. Sometimes you have to make decisions you know you don’t want to. That’s the key to being an adult. The hard choices that need to be made and how you deal with them

You are a poisonous element to my existence. And I will admit that regardless of your properties, I still find myself attracted to you; your aura is what pulls me in. Your eyes are magnets; they stir up something in me. Something I haven’t felt in about 5 years. I can’t explain it but you do something to me that has never been done in a while. You make me not think about the consequences of my actions. Logic tells me to quit while I’m ahead but my heart keeps telling me otherwise. You’re in my life for a reason. I believe that. And deep down, I think you do too. I don’t love you; I don’t think I ever really did. But at the same time I feel I would lose a lot were you to not be part of my life. I feel that even though you are poison, you’re also an antidote. I feel a sense of completion, might even go as far as saying I feel a sense of security. I dunno how else I can explain it to myself other than you’re both bad…and good for me. I get that now.