New Loves? Let's See

If I were to estimate the time it would take for me to fall out of love with Fox...I wouldn't tell you because I already am. But part of me is afraid to pull the plug. I can think up a few good reasons our relationship doesn't work anymore. And I'll start from the beginning.

1. He's not romantic with me. Why? Because all his romancing days were around the same time I was just starting prep school so he's outgrown it.
2. We don't go out. We've been to 2 raves since we started talking. He doesn't wanna go out with me because (once again) he feels he's outgrown the party scene. The last time I tried to get him to go out with me n he said no, I got robbed. He just has it in his head that he's completely ancient and doesn't wanna do what us young folks are doing.
3. I'm bored. All we do at home is watch movies, have sex, not eat, I have to watch him play X-Box and when I'm tired of all that, I fall asleep, wake up back and he's STILL on the X-Box. There's absolutely nothing to do.
4. I'm beginning to lose interest in him. Why? See reasons 1-3

But now that I've told why it doesn't work, lemme think of reasons why it DOES work

1. He makes me laugh. I mean he's silly like me on occasion and I like that
2. He's been through it and still came out strong and he has a story to tell and I love hearing it.
3. He's taught me things that I doubt I'd be able to grasp on my own had I not met him
4. We can reason...well sometimes. I like having someone to talk to, though most of the time I do all the listening. But I like listening; on occasion.

I'm not entirely sure what to do but I know how I feel. I think the reason I keep waiting is because I feel like if I give it enough time I may really love him again but its been a month already and I still feel nothing. I took my wedding ring off my chain as a test to see if I'd realize that every time I went to get hold of it, it wasn't there. But I don't reach for it anymore. I met some people that I'm really interested in and they bring out the fun side of me. I haven't seen that part of me in a long time and I was beginning to miss that side. The first person I'll call ST (to uphold the privacy) I met ST at a bar one Tuesday night and invited a concert that following Friday. It was a full moon out and we (and most of our other friends) were at our sensual peaks. But not me. Why? Because I was having some health issues so I wasn't quite at my best. But there was an obvious attraction there between us both. The issue was..our age gap. (He's younger than I am, by a decent amount) I only lied to him about one thing though; my relationship status (he still doesn't know) One night he asked if I wanted to get serious with him. I said I couldn't because I'm at a place where I'm trying to find myself. See wheat qualities in me need to change so I can become a better girlfriend when the time comes. So I'd rather take it slow and have fun. So we agreed. But the next week I find out that he's too much of a flirt and a relationship with him would never work because I'd be hurt constantly and he'd never want to to that. I can't get into the complete story cuz I'm strapped for time. Recently we have been getting closer and I feel a lot better than I did in the beginning. We're definitely doing great but we're still not together. That agreement was made that we could never work.

I met another interesting person that makes me feel just as good as ST does. I'll call him AC. I met AC at a club the first time I was there (and if I search my memory bank correctly I'm sure I met him somewhere else too) but then I didn't take much notice really until it was time for me to go home. He was very kind, soft-spoken (which I like) and a conversationalist. I had a slight interest in him then but not enough to be completely taken over. Then the next time I saw him was at a party in "Havendale" that I kinda got dragged to. We got to talking about a certain topic and I gave my honest input and that's where the conversation and closeness grew. He took care of me when I was drunk/high. Made sure that I was fed and hydrated (I'm diabetic for those who don't know) and made sure I got home safely. I'll always be grateful to him for that one gesture because not a lot of people would do that for someone they barely know so his cool points definitely quadrupled right there. We got to "talking" some more and I realize that...I'm really digging this cat. Like he's telling me about what his plans for the future are and what he wants to do before he retired and I'm honestly captivated and motivated to be just like him when I grow up. He has his head on his shoulders, he's gorgeous, granted, not the criteria I'd usually go for in a guy but in his own way he just makes me weak) He brings out the kitten in me *rawr* and I love hearing him talk. BUT him is a hard man fi reach more time. But I understand why cuz he's sooooo busy and I don't want him to miss a beat in his business life because he stopped to talk to me. BUT I would appreciate if he'd acknowledge the fact that people are trying to get a hold of him. But I digress. I feel like I'd want him to keep me and his words were "As long as you keep it real with me, we ain't got no problems" He got me to expose my dark truths, he's seen my true vulnerability and he doesn't judge me. While Fox would tell me to not think about the memories from my dark day, AC tells me to embrace them. Live each moment knowing that THIS is how Ricky would want me to live. Happy. Not caring what anyone thinks of you. Loving everything and everyone but never above yourself. I respect IB very much for giving me that bit of advice. And honestly? I feel myself falling for him a little bit. But I don't wanna jinx anything so I'ma take my time. Get to know him better and see where it all goes. There will come a time when I'd maybe have to choose who I wanna be with.

I'll tell you then what happens.
Blesses Be
Amanda